Welcome to Deadspin’s The Sports Nihilist, where all is for naught, and we are but accidental jolts of electrified meat stuck to the surface of a rock in an indifferent universe.
Will CJ Stroud break every NFL QB record this season?
Let’s talk about rich, powerful, egotistical owners for a few hundred words. How is a person able to ruin the lives of countless fans and employees, screw up repeatedly, retain a leadership role and also sleep at night? I’ll tell you. They’re nihilists, like me. The goal of life is to work your way to the top, and make sure you have as few peers as possible. Born at the top? Even better.
As long as you control something, you’re set. James Dolan and Jeanie Buss would eat each other before they got out of an escape room, and consuming the competition before resorting to a reasonable solution is the sign of a true CEO.
It’s the owners who are often tasked with the most difficult jobs. Hirings, firings, rebuildings, restructurings, all of them require a deft and ruthless hand that very few people understand. And someone who doesn’t understand something technically makes them stupid, so if you can’t grasp what Michael Bidwell is going through, by rule, you’re a dumbass.
It’s extremely difficult at the top, and staying there is even harder. You think Sam Bankman-Fried is going to end up in the poor house once he gets out of the big house? Hell, no. That guy is a winner, through-and-through.
SBF employed Tom Brady and Steph Curry. What have you done, you miserable piece of crap?
I did not smother my employees face down in the muck to have the next righteous underling question my decision making.
All hail Dan Snyder, Robert Sarver, Donald Sterling and the rest of the titans of ownership whose merciless approach led to decades-long renaissances for their respective teams, and an astronomical return on investment. Owners like Mark Davis and Hal Steinbrenner are following blueprints laid out not only by their fathers, but their contemporaries.
A good owner adapts to their surroundings, insulates themselves with proper scapegoats or finds a new fan base from whom to take money. Look at Dean Spanos. He saved the people of San Diego millions, billions of dollars by leaching onto SoFi not extorting the community into a stadium. Spanos saw that Los Angeles was overlooking a huge fan base: Fans of other NFL teams looking for an excuse to go to Southern California.
Stan Kroenke is in the middle of a run of titles that would make Robert Kraft blush. You know how he was able to do it? By having the courage to dump on the city of St. Louis. He just squatted right over Soulard, and wiped his ass with the Arch on his way out.
So shout out to the owners, the true visionaries. Without their greed, bravery, intelligence and insatiable lust for power, sports would not be the perfect vehicle for analogies about the real world, and how brutal and desolate it is.
Long live wealth disparity!
