IDIOT OF THE YEAR No. 5: Antonio Brown

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You knew he was gonna make this list sooner or later. We probably don’t even have to tell you why Antonio Brown is an idiot. Just go to his Twitter page, press the follow button, and wait 15 minutes for him to do his next big dumb stunt. Why would an NFL player worth millions feel the need to sell a counterfeit watch? It baffles me.

That was undoubtedly the smallest of Brown’s idiotic behaviors though. This year, Brown continued his tirade of terribleness with a bevy of sexual misconduct allegations, all of which he denies, even when there’s video evidence. Antonio Brown got naked in a hotel pool in the United Arab Emirates, waved his bare ass in a woman’s face, stole a scarf from another pool-goer, unknowingly tried to waterboard the woman he was talking with, screamed at her as she tried to flee, and raised his schlong out of the water spouting that the woman “wanted it” as she swam away in a hurry. There is something wrong with this man, but not in an, “oh, poor him” sense, more of a “for the sake of society, please lock him up” sense. But wait! He wasn’t done!

After Tom Brady’s ugly divorce from long-time spouse Gisele Bündchen, Brown posted obviously fake nude photos of the model to Snapchat. He also implied that he was having sex with Gisele by Photoshopping his face onto Tom Brady’s body in an old picture of the now-divorced couple. Brown’s antics didn’t end there. Throughout 2022, he operated like a Billy Mays commercial, just offering us new ways to make fun of him like clockwork.

Most recently, Brown got into a standoff with police for a misdemeanor battery charge. Not even a felony, but Brown decided a standoff was necessary. According to reports, Brown got into an altercation with the mother of four of his kids. The woman claims Brown threw a shoe at her, threatened to shoot her, and then kicked her out of the house. When police arrived, Brown locked himself in his home with several guns around him. [Editor’s note: The arrest warrant was withdrawn and Brown won’t face charges.]

And, on top of all that, Brown — the president of Kanye West’s Donda Sports agency — stood by West after the rapper went full Nazi, choosing to offer West his full support and remaining in charge of the now-tarnished outfit.

Brown went from one of the most beloved players in the NFL to an absolute scumbag who nobody can get behind. He’s a terrible person who’s burned every bridge with every person who ever tried to help him. There’s no bigger sign of an idiot than that.

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